The wall I am to myself

I find myself again in the darkness waiting.

It is normal that I use to tell to myself is going to be alright.

After a while I forget and I just feel deeply grateful again.

Slowly I start to feel concerned again.

I see there is something that happens between me and the World.

It’s like either this reality sucks from me the will to live,

or it is me just getting tired for the same dark scene.

I usually try to see the good on everyone and for all situations,

but once in a while I find something disgusting enough to lose all faith.

I am in the process of re-building myself as a new being.

I want to say NO more often, often enough so I can avoid total meltdown.

Then I know I can feel it all.

I see the sun within me, I hear the voice of the universe.

I remember how it was to leave my body,

I am aware of this illusion.

I find myself stuck on the material side of the existence.

Although it seems normal, now I understand it is the place my sadness comes from.

The lack of spirituality I see in my actions,

in my words, in my eating habits is depressing more and more.

Lately I am trying to go inside myself,

but my body works as a wall.

Some part of my humanity prevents me from dying.

So try to breathe again and sleep.

This is when the other dreams come in.