It’s too late. I started solving this puzzle without notice its solution will directly affect my immediate present.
If I said it is too late is because now, I’m affected for the mental disease called “illusion” understood as the idea of getting something that is completely wishable, an improvement of life, and in some point, the way you always wanted to live.
This small game of puzzle solving became uncontrollable until I get what looks like the solution which I must pretend to conquer.
Now I lovethe smell, the figure, the whole compilation of imperfections, matching exactly with me. What it used to be a possibility, now it is my destiny. How tough is that?
This completely unfair assault to my ideas, this intervention into my days, forces me, obligates me to fight this fight.
To go and triumph , get it no matter what it takes. Do I have o Will I have the temperament to achieve this solving puzzle? Let’s see what happens! There is no way back!
(Texto recuperado de la última hoja de un cuaderno de apuntes)